One of the things I have come to learn and realize recently is the fact that I have been living with the pain from my past, things I thought I had forgotten and moved on from, traumatic experiences that kept on resurfacing and  was affecting me emotionally, psychologically and also in my relationships…

I have learnt that if we do not consciously and intentionally deal with things, and seek for the right kind of help, all we will keep doing is reliving those past experiences without even realizing it until it becomes late.. you begin to wonder why you are doing the same things you saw your parents do and you swore to never do them due to the negative impact it had on you etc.

Have you ever wondered why you do some of the things you do? look back and think deeply there is a reason to that, we acquire some things without knowing.

I would love to advice anyone reading this to take some time to sit down and look back at your life beginning from childhood up till this moment….

  • are there childhood memories/teen/adulthood memories that bring you so much pain, hurt, anger, and doubt when ever you think about them?
  • Do you find yourself never wanting to talk about those things even with people who you know will always be there to support you when you open up to them?
  • Do you somehow see some patterns from your childhood repeating themselves in your relationship?
  • you say you have forgiven and moved on but you keep comparing things in your present with your past?
  • How has your childhood impacted you?

Pain hurts, but what hurts more is reliving that pain without realizing it or realizing it and not doing anything about it..

How do I move on

Before you think of moving on I would like to believe you have asked yourself some of the questions which I mentioned above and you have been able to identify the trigger/s or cause of your pain….

write down how you feel and highlight the most important things, (I feel like writing about how we feel helps us to think clearly) what kind of emotion comes with that particular memory? if the memory involves an individual/individuals is it something you can talk to them about? what impact has it had on you and how do you see yourself moving forward?

It is important you have someone to talk to. In my case I have always felt like I could handle things on my own due to the fact that I have been independent almost all my life and I never really had the opportunity to talk to anyone about my feelings…. That had a huge impact on me and it wasn’t so good, up till this moment I am still trying to break out of that shell and talk to people who I know truly care about me.

What do I do when those negative emotions come up?

Remember you are on a journey, you are on a road to healing… do not stay in Isolation, you might not want to talk but please Have someone around. learn to talk about how you feel as often as you can. I am sure someone who truly cares about you will never be tired of hearing you speak.

who do I talk to?

Like I stated earlier it is important you talk to someone and not just anyone but the right people. Speaking to a trained and experienced professional will help, a family member, a friend or your partner… Make sure whoever you are talking to is someone you know has your best interest at heart and will not in any way be judgmental.. Some people come initially with Good intentions but they end up being manipulative so please beware and be cautious.

I am not perfect and just like anyone else I have my struggles… Everyday is an opportunity to make a change and make something meaningful out of life. I hope and pray you pull through what ever difficulty you are having currently and be who God has created you to be.


pain from the past
Healing begins today

Have a great day ahead


Stay motivated…. 

image source: Google images




  1. Deep reflections are very necessary if we must move on.. I’m happy you are on a great path but beyond that.. you are helping others to.. thanks Dr V.
    Merry Christmas 🎄

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